Based in BRISBANE, Australia, GENDER 404 (not found) is a blog by birdy. gender 404 is a personal writing and thinking project on the topic of a (gendered) world and what it might be like to just y'know, drop it and see what happens.

Metamorphosis, many ways to travel

Today I went to a GP, a new GP, to start the conversation about gender and it's impact on my life.

I saw a great GP who listened carefully and spoke about gender only as personal journey/approach that should be supported by the medical system in whatever way it can.

My diagnosis is "Gender Dysphoria" which used to be called Gender Identity Disorder (GID) and I think mostly it covers off the desire of someone to be in another genders body, a boy-girl, or girl-boy desire...which is not my case. It's a bit more complicated when you want a genderless body to match your genderless heart and mind!

So, yes, we went through things that I wanted for myself rather than using gendered names for things, and she talked through the side-effects/consequences of each and every one.

My only 'known' at this stage is that I want to stop menstruating, and that I am unhappy with my body (middle-aged weight gain on hips, tummy and breasts).
We covered:
Hysterectomy, either full or part (to stop bleeding)
Top surgery, either removal or reduction of breast tissue
Progesterone tablets, implant, or IUD (to stop bleeding)
Testosterone - which we didn't talk about in any great detail, but covered the fact that some changes are permanent (facial hair and voice deepening)

So, I have been referred to a psychologist who has heaps of gender experience and also prescribed progesterone tablets, which are taken daily (aka the pill) to try the lowest impact method of stopping my period. I hope that I can come to a point with the psychologist that informs any/no further steps to take after this. I don't call this transition, the word still doesn't feel right for me, I might like to try metamorphosis instead.

I still don't quite know how I am going to get myself into a non-gendered reality, it feels like I am drowning in baby pinks and blues. I may be able to remove some of the distress, but will I ever actually look how I feel on the inside?